Battling the bulge and helping a lost grad find his way

Dear Dana,
Summer is here again and I’m even heavier than last year. I try every year to lose weight and when I do drop a few pounds, I just regain it later on (and more!). Is there any hope? Am I destined to keep packing it on?—Peggy

Life is a journey not a destination.
In spite of your best intentions, your new fitness or healthy eating plans have begun to fade after only a few weeks or months. Your hiking partner moved, your bike broke down, or an injury forced you to take a break from your workouts and you never started again. Before you knew it, you’d slipped back into unhealthy habits and had to begin all over again.

The journey to a healthy, balanced, active lifestyle is not known for its easy terrain. Most people fail to maintain lifestyle changes because they get so focused on the outcome that they forget about the process. People want the results, but they don’t spend enough time thinking about what it will take to achieve them.

To avoid the dropout syndrome, you need to create a lifestyle defense plan—one that anticipates the obstacles ahead and protects your new habits while they are still unfamiliar and vulnerable. Your written lifestyle defense plan should include in-depth answers to the four questions listed here.

How Much Do I Want This?
How will this change fit into your values and beliefs about what is important in life? What trade-offs are you willing to make to achieve the change? Remember that you will not be able to make a change, reap the rewards and then return to your old behaviours!

What Stands In My Way?
Is your work schedule, financial situation or lack of family support likely to become a problem (or an excuse)? Have certain people, activities or attitudes blocked your progress in the past? You should also consider your fears and how to counter them. Identify potential barriers and plan now for how you will meet these obstacles head-on (for example, “I will tell my boss about my program and refuse to let new work-related projects sabotage my health”).

Where Is My Support?
Plan your support system. To whom will you turn to for advice and encouragement (your trainer, medical professionals, family, friends)? Which resources (books, videos, equipment, clothing) will inspire you to succeed?

What Does Success Mean To Me?
How will you know when you have accomplished your goal? What will it look and feel like to you? Remember to focus on the process of changing, not just the outcome. For example, “I’ll be walking regularly for one hour three times a week. I’ll feel invigorated and more confident about my body, and I’ll remember to congratulate myself often. My friends will know this new habit is part of my schedule and I’m sticking to it. I’ll have appropriate shoes and comfortable clothes to wear while I work out. I’ll think of this new habit as a gift I’m giving myself—time I need, not just for my health, but to keep my life in balance.”

Answer these questions and keep yourself in line by creating a weekly or yearly check-in system. Refer back to your questions to refresh your mind and stay focused on what you are doing and how far you have come. Eventually this becomes a new way of life that sticks long term.

Dear Dana,
My son seems to have lost his way. He will graduate from high school this year and is supposed to start college but now he’s hesitating. He says he doesn’t want to waste time at university and end up with a big debt and no job. But instead of looking into alternatives, he’s leaning toward doing nothing. What direction can I give him? —Susan

If it is to be, it is up to me
Certainly fear of failure is fear that we all deal with. Sometimes this fear can keep us in paralysis. However all studies of the job market indicate that employers will always hire a university graduate over a high-school graduate and the earning potential of university graduates is much higher.

There are also ways to keep your debt load down, such as working while in university, working towards scholarships or staying at home while going to university which can cut down on housing expenses. My question to you would be what are the consequences if your son does not go to university? Does he get to stay in a great home with no responsibilities? Will he be required to pay rent that is comparable to what an apartment would cost him in your city?

Certainly as humans, we will always avoid change if our present situation is not that uncomfortable. Growing up, I always knew that if I did not go to university my parents would no longer be supporting me and that the consequences of that choice would be getting out on my own and figuring out how to pay for everything.

My second question is would this be a situation where he does not know what he wants to do? If so, that would constitute a year of reflection. In the meantime, he would be expected to pay rent and share an amount of responsibilities in the household during this time.

Education is never wasted. In university you learn how to think critically while developing one’s literacy and writing skills. It increases your self-esteem, while being responsible. These are the very skills the employers of tomorrow are seeking in their new employees. It is challenging for a young person to realize how all their decisions impact their life and future. The reality is that it is up to them to make their way. You are no longer able to manage their life. The biggest thing your son needs is your unconditional love and support while he finds his way in his journey. •

Dana Marcon is a Senior Life Strategist Coach, Author, Motivational Speaker, and Instructor in CFQ Qigong and Medical Exercise Specialist. Readers, send your questions and concerns for Dana Marcon to dana.marcon@lifestylemaritimes.com